TCH-Bruce Posted May 7, 2005 Share Posted May 7, 2005 I received this in email and thought I would share. Sounds a lot like Andy Rooney to me. I Wonder…… Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving! The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCH-Don Posted May 7, 2005 Share Posted May 7, 2005 Cute, be right back, have to check the fridge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCH-Thomas Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 I missed this until now. Thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Serpentine Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 (edited) My take; Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? In the attempt to make a srtonger contact, or the fact that more force solves everything. I can't remember anymore. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Any way to make a buck. You should know this by now. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Cause I can't count to four billion but I can check the paint. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Not enough air. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Can you buy them unsterilized? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? He gets tired of the monkey diging through it looking for bugs. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Because I keep forgetting it will not hurt. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? To keep their hair out of their face. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? That was from the first guy to have one. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Think we have a population problem now? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? They aren't, take a closer look. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? The day before you buy one. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? You never know. Star Trek might have become real. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? And have to turn the vacuum off to go to the trash five feet away? Are you nuts? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try? Stop trying from the wrong end. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? A true magician never tells but I don't think it is truly enclosed. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? Murphys law. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? I am pretty sure that if my heater went to 120F I still would not turn it up that high. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? Because it is just wrong to tell man jokes. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? No, I want to succeed. Now, why don't you read about psychics winning the lottery? And why won't the quote feature work? Edited May 17, 2005 by Serpentine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TweezerMan Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 And why won't the quote feature work? It appears that there's a limit to how many quotes you can include in a single post. That limit appears to be 10, and your post has 20. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Serpentine Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 OK, but what about the psychic question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TweezerMan Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 OK, but what about the psychic question. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Take your pick: a) There's no such thing as a true psychic. b) Psychics, like magicians, never tell their secrets, so no one would know that a lottery winner was a psychic. c) A psychic using their abilities to win the lottery would violate the rules against using their powers for personal gain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sas Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 OK, but what about the psychic question. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Take your pick: a) There's no such thing as a true psychic. b) Psychics, like magicians, never tell their secrets, so no one would know that a lottery winner was a psychic. c) A psychic using their abilities to win the lottery would violate the rules against using their powers for personal gain. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> HI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCH-Bruce Posted June 12, 2005 Author Share Posted June 12, 2005 Welcome to the forums, sas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCH-Don Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 Welcome to the forums, sas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCH-Thomas Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 Welcome to the forum, sas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TweezerMan Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 Welcome to the forums, sas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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